Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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