onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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