in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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