Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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