I heard we made out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent