We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
