mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
