considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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