I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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