party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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