i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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