no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
