you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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