Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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