I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
