There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize