you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize