when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
