Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
