If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize