Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
