You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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