what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
