The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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