he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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