5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
