I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
