I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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