They should really pass out barf bags in church
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
is wine microwaveable?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
