my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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