Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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