I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
