I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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