I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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