i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
