she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
