So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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