and you said cock pushups were impossible
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
