There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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