the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
