i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
