i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
