i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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