Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
