You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
