Pappa wants mamma naked
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
