if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
