her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
