I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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