It's Friday. Sex?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
