It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
