I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
