wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?