just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.