When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?