i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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