I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks