Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
