we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
