shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
