I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.