he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need moral support for this bender
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed