Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.