Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just high enough for therapy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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