I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
