Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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