The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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