i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
