I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
