I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
