so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
