I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
