hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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