she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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