My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
