I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
