guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
