Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
