Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
