I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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