hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
