She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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