The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
