I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
