They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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