Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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