I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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